Lost and Found
by The Scribbler's Katastrophe
Summary: Everything left of her old life were memories. Freedom has become an unattainable fantasy. Even if it did come true, how was she supposed to find her place in the world again?
1. First Kill

**After long hesitating, I gathered up courage to publish this. I tend to be very critical of my work, but I'd rather let you decide yourself if you like it or not.**

**This story is dedicated to Jules (boom-boom-girl on tumblr), a wonderful P'Li roleplayer, who gave me few ideas, and created the character of Lien-Hua, P'Li's little sister.**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I don't own Legend of Korra and its characters. <strong>

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><p>"No! Please… I have a family!" the man stumbled, trying to get away, but it was no use. She was still close enough to shoot him.<p>

_Why would anyone want to kill such a man? He's just a poor peasant, not a mortal enemy,_ P'Li wondered, then she remembered the orders: "This morning, my guards will escort you out of town to hills. Those filthy farmers and shepherds live there, completely forgotten by the world. Their very existence is meaningless. Shouldn't be too hard to kill the first one who appears."

_Of course a man like Daigo would say that. He doesn't value human life at all, that's nothing new._

However, when she looked at his face - horrified, pleading, his eyes full of tears - P'Li knew he'd stay in her memories forever.

She tried to calm her heart beating wildly in her chest. Daigo's guards were watching her, ready to observe any sign of inaccuracy or reluctance. Suddenly, his image started to change in her eyes, his ugly wrinkled features forming into smooth, delicate face of a child. The brown of his irises turned into bright gold. The look of horror remained. Lien-Hua, her dearest sister, right before she was slain.

Although it's been over a year - P'Li stopped counting days long time ago - she never faded from her memory. Partly because that day haunted her in nightmares even now.

_Stop it. You have a mission to finish_, something dead in her whispered. _The longer you wait, the worse for you._

_Exactly. Why should I have mercy? No one had any for Lien-Hua, yet she deserved to die even less than this wretch._

She closed her eyes, focusing her chi into the third eye tattoo and released a deadly blast. The man's scream was devoured by the sound of explosion.

P'Li couldn't believe her own eyes when the smoke cleared. The man was still there, standing on trembling legs a few metres away from a crater which the attack had left. Once he grasped he's still alive, he sprinted away as fast as he could.

_I missed. I never miss._

Then the realization of what she had almost done hit her.

_I was ready to kill. Guess I really am a monster._

_No, not yet_, she corrected herself. _I wouldn't have waited and missed if I were the heartless killing weapon Daigo wants me to be._

With his name, her self-loathing was immediately replaced by panic. His loyal guards were already all over her, binding her hands with handcuffs and covering her eye tattoo. They surely will be eager to report this failure. What punishment awaits her this time?

He always thought of something twisted to hurt rather her spirit, not only body. But no matter what he did, nothing could be worse than watching her little sister die, not able to do anything, just know it was all _her_ fault.

While the guards were leading her back to the compound, P'Li felt as if something was shattering to pieces inside her. Was it what was left of her humanity, her soul, or hopes? Whatever it was, it left her feeling empty and oddly calm.

_My life has been hell for years. Everything I had is gone, what's left of me is claimed by a man who stole my life. He can do whatever he pleases, even kill me. I am long dead anyway._

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><p><strong>So... I hope you weren't too disappointed. English isn't my mother language, but I try. <strong>I have few chapters scribbled up in my notebook, they need just some rewriting and proofreading. <strong>Should I continue? Please review and tell me how do you like it so far. Constructive criticism is welcomed, I want to know what to improve.**

**Also, I made up the warlord's name, it came out of nowhere, so if you have a better idea, let me know.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Punishment

**Here I am, with another chapter. Sorry it took so long, but I decided to completely redo this part, because I didn't like it. Which doesn't mean it's any better right now, but hey, I am never fully satisfied with my work. I will leave it as it is yet and if you have any remarks, tell me.**

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><p>Dark and cold. That was the most brief description of P'Li's underground cell where she was always put until Daigo needed her again. And it also represented the conditions she hated the most. Not because she was a firebender and those naturally hindered her abilities…<p>

Lien-Hua, as every other kid of her age, was afraid of the dark. Back then in happier times, P'Li often woke up in the middle of the night just to find her standing in front of her bed, with frightened eyes. After crawling next to her, Lien-Hua slept soundly, without more distractions. When they got captured, this little routine had to stop. Well, Lien-Hua's cell was a lot more snug than hers, at least. Daigo hadn't been such a horrendous human being to keep her in same conditions as her older sister. Still, both sisters had missed the company of each other.

After her death, P'Li would rather listen to Lien-Hua's quiet sobs and cries during her frequent nightmares than hear just occasional water dripping. It broke her heart over and over again, knowing there was nothing to return to anymore. She had become cold, so cold…

Of course, the feeling of being lost, all alone in the world, had been replaced by burning hatred towards Daigo. It was searing her alive, the only kind of heat she'd ever experience again, determining the only purpose and desire of her remaining life - to kill him, to see his blood smeared all over her hands. Not even to break free, such wishes were for those who still had something to return to, she'd gladly accept whatever hell would come and let it take her… yet the truth kept reminding itself to her until she couldn't hide from its malicious sneer anywhere - she was but a toy in Daigo's hands, not even able to influence her own life, let alone his. The realization had been there for some time, she just refused to see.

_Why do I keep wondering about it? It'll soon be over, or at least I'll wish it would. Daigo saves his sick ideas to night, when I'm practically defenseless. He should be here any moment._

The walls of her confined cell were covered in freezing droplets of water. P'Li only recognized the night when the already low temperature dropped even more and she fell asleep shivering under her thin blanket. Also, her abilities, already hindered by conditions, weakened to minimum.

_When Daigo comes, I won't show any fear, no matter what he does to me._

As if to test her resolution, the creaking sound of elevator opening gave away the visitor. He was coming.

Daigo's quick steps on uneven floor echoed, until they stopped in front of her cell. He opened the thick metal door and walked in, holding a small flame in his hand to see his victim. The walls glistened in yellow light of fire. P'Li wished she could feel at least a little of its warmth, but Daigo purposely kept it too far from her, even as he stepped closer. She remained sitting motionless on her bed, as if he wasn't standing right in front of her.

"I heard some interesting information about your morning mission," he spoke. It always started like this - his voice strictly neutral, but the anger was there, like a wild river, searching and pushing into every gap in a barrier to burst through.

Any response from her at this moment, right after his "accusation", would just add fuel to the fire, so she kept quiet.

"You hesitated and missed. Your victim is still alive, even though I ordered you to kill him," his tone demanded answers, any sort of reaction.

Still silence.

Suddenly his hand gripped her hair painfully, tilting her head back, forcing her to meet his eyes. He was average tall, much shorten than her, and always took any opportunity to look down on her.

"After all these years of wasting my time, you still dare to disobey me. Do I need to remind you, again? You live only to fulfill my wishes. You were born as a monster, with lethal abilities. Remember that when you wail about your old life, or that useless sister of yours. You were destined to end up like this, no one would ever accept such a freak."

Despite her decision to stay strong, his words like venom started seeping into her mind. He only spoke aloud what she knew a long time ago. Everything what happened… it was only her fault. Without her, Lien-Hua, her parents, would be still alive. She had brought this curse upon them.

"And you still try to pretend you're human like everyone else. You're pathetic."

P'Li tried to convince herself those tears welling up in her eyes were because of that rough tugging at her hair, but both of them knew the real reason.

Then he let go, as if she were staining him somehow.

"I should've ended this pitiful excuse of a combustionbender a long time ago, but it'd only bring me back to the beginning," Daigo started walking around in her cell, not even speaking to her anymore. "I've had my doubts, but also a plenty of ways how to break what was left of her. But now, I won't need to anymore. Those twins might be what I've been looking for. And who knows… I might manage to destroy her, too, after all."

_What is he talking about?_

Then he stopped and looked at her. "Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't wait with your punishment. Tonight, I have more important matter to get ready for. If everything goes smoothly, I won't have to put up with this nonsense ever again. You'll end just like your sister, both useless and waste of my time."

_So he plans to kill me._ P'Li couldn't help but feel a bit of relief.

"Oh, don't think it will be that simple," he smirked when he noticed the lack of dismay in her eyes. "I don't give up so easily." P'Li retreated when he came closer again.

"You'll soon find out the full extent of my words when I said you belonged to me," the glance in his eyes was nearly maniacal, as if he had lost his mind. "You won't be able to stop me." When he reached out, P'Li jerked away, only to feel cold stone against her back. He grinned and tried to touch her again, but she caught his hand. Even though she previously wanted to stay strong and unaffected, ready to accept any fate, his games made her sick and furious. She never hated him more than now, with his face twisted of pleasure he got from from hurting and humiliating those who were completely defenseless.

_Just a coward, nothing else. Now or never, time has come to let him have a taste of his own medicine._

"Don't you dare to touch me again!" P'Li shouted and sunk her teeth deeply into his palm, although the contact was disgusting her.

After few seconds, Daigo's pain was subdued by rage and his second hand, in which he was still keeping the flame. hit her hard across the face.

P'Li tasted blood in her mouth, both hers and his, her face stung from burning pain. She closed her eyes in anticipation of another hit. Nothing happened.

When she looked again, still dizzy and hurt from the hit, Daigo was examining his bloodied hand, his breathing ragged and angry. He was forcing himself to calm down.

"You'll regret you were ever born when I'm done with you," he murmured, but slowly left the cell. "Luckily for you, I already spent too much time." His footsteps, sounding farther and farther, were the only proof he was really gone, not hiding in the dark to continue where he had left off.

When P'Li was sure she was alone again, something broke and she burst into bitter tears. Salt was stinging left side of her face, where his fist had hit her. Not only that, her lip was broken as well.

_I'm glad I can't see how I look like right now_, was her first thought, immediately replaced by more ominous ones.

_What have I accomplished by that?_ Now, when the emotions and adrenaline were gone, her acts seemed foolish and meaningless.

_If only I made him so mad he'd kill me instantly. He'll make sure I suffered enough if he ever decides to get rid of me._

Once she spent all her tears, she lied down. After hours of resisting all the fears plaguing her mind, dreamless sleep had finally took her into merciful oblivion.

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><p><strong>As I said, I'm not very proud of this, but trust me, it was worse. I guess my description of feelings and stuff are too long, so now there's a new chapter and practically nothing happens, also it's too dark, probably, I might have gone overboard with warlord, or Daigo, as I named him, that little bitch. Next time, I have something in lighter mood planned, so don't worry. For the first chapter I got no reviews, what's better than getting hate, in my opinion (it was too short to review properly anyway, I think), but I'd really welcome some, to know what's okay and what to changeimprove/stop doing/whatever. So, let me know. Have a nice day =)**

**Oh, and thank you, everyone, who followed/favorited this story. It means a lot and I hope you enjoyed reading this at least a bit.**


	3. Two Travellers

**Third chapter is here, finally. Sorry for the waiting, lot of stuff happened, but don't worry, I don't plan to abandon this fic. I also hate it when good stories are left unfinished (although they are usually better than mine). This chapter is written in POVs of two characters, the next one should be P'Li again. I think it has its better and worse parts... well, you should know already what to expect, but I hope you'll like it.**

**RoseMarie1314: Thank you for your support, I'm glad you do! (You're officialy the second one) I hope I won't disappoint you.**

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><p>Xai Bau felt the first morning rays touch his skin as he slowly breathed in and out. The dawn was his favorite time for meditating, especially when another of Red Lotus missions awaited him. His mind and senses would be clear, and it also helped to relieve the sleep deprivation he had. Few hours ago, he was still on his way to this small city, night hiding his footsteps. After years of dedicating his life to free the world no matter what it took, he was used to this, more concerned about his new companion, a young man named Zaheer. This would be his first mission as an official Red Lotus member. Xai Bau broke his trance to observe him a bit.<p>

Zaheer, also meditating, looked calm and focused, as if their long travelling and lack of sleep haven't affected him at all. Not that it was a surprise, actually. During years under influence of those few who joined Xai Bau on his path, Zaheer's talents had developed. He had become a great admirer of philosophy and poetry. He could spend hours reading old scrolls saved from Air Temples, and lines such as "New growth cannot exist without first the destruction of the old." or "Natural order is disorder." kept adding more fuel to his resolution and passion for Red Lotus ideals. That alone wasn't enough, obviously, so Xai Bau had personally trained him in every martial art he knew, until a student surpassed his master.

Time goes only forward and never stops, so Red Lotus members were, naturally, worried who will carry on with their legacy. So far, they had managed to find two more - a talented lavabender named Ghazan, and a waterbender Unalaq. Unalaq was two years younger than Zaheer, but cunning and clever, an ideal future leader, some of Xai Bau's comrades said. However, he wasn't so sure about it.

"Ready to go?" Xai Bau spoke when he noticed his apprentice was finally coming back from his spiritual journey.

"As always," Zaheer answered and got up. "It would be helpful to know our destination, though."

"A little impatient, aren't you?" Xai Bau smiled to himself. Zaheer might hide it, but his curiosity and a bit of excitement were visible to someone who knew him so long.

"You're the one who taught me to be ready for anything. If you got killed, how would I continue and do what we came here for?"

"Then come here and I'll tell you." Xai Bau was standing atop of a hill covered in grass. Similar ones surrounded the entire settlement he was looking at, as to protect it. Or to cover any signs of corruption those in power had brought to this place.

The town consisted of little houses, some of them modest, but proper, others dirty and poor. When they looked around a bit, it wasn't so hard to see why. Aside from ordinary buildings, a large, splendid palace was standing, its luxury looking bold compared to poverty of the town. It didn't take a genius to understand.

"Who exactly are we dealing with?" Zaheer asked.

"The man who lives there once was an important Fire Nation noble, with small army and few residences in Earth Kingdom. He could do whatever he wanted. However, when the Avatar defeated Ozai, Daigo - that was his name - was ordered to return to Fire Nation, leaving his properties in Earth Kingdom behind. He was one of those who believed that Fire Nation should rule the world and would do anything to have even more power than before. But how could he do that? He was no talented bender, although he always wanted to be, he considered powerful benders to be naturally designated to conquer and rule. He especially admired this extremely rare skill called combustionbending."

"But... it's gone now," Zaheer argued. "Their bloodline has been lost long time ago."

"That's probably true. Combustionbending often remains undiscovered and such person can live as a normal firebender, never finding they are capable of bending with mind. But as long as someone comes even less directly from the original clan, they could have inherited this ability. Daigo, along with dedicated servants and remains of his army, keeps searching for any descendants of known combustionbenders. His speciality is kidnapping young children and training them as his own personal killers. I don't know if he actually succeeded, but we need to take him down anyway."

Zaheer nodded. He had seen enough injustice and oppression in his life, but the world kept reminding him anew how corrupted the leaders were. Once they are gone, everyone will be truly free and the wounds might slowly start healing.

"When?" he asked, ready to go right in that moment.

"Patience. Those who rush their actions head to ultimate failures. Always spend enough time planning every step you make, take into account any difficulty you might face."

Zaheer resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Xai Bau was an intriguing teacher and his word usually stayed preserved in Zaheer's memory. But patience… for some reason, he never heard the end of it. _He should know I am cautious enough. Why does he keep reminding me like I am a kid?_

"Will you tell me the plan or not?"

_He still has a long way to go. I hope he won't gravely regret any of his decisions in the future,_ Xai Bau thought, then spoke: "Daigo and most of his guards and servants are firebenders, thus we attack at night. None of them are exceptional benders or fighters, we should deal with them easily enough. I'll take care of Daigo and you'll look for combustionbenders."

"You don't really believe I'll find any, do you?" They used to be more common, but as with everything different, people were quick to fear and hate. Zaheer, always hungry for knowledge, had read much about their history and what exactly happened to them. To suggest that he'd actually meet one… what a laughable idea.

"I guess you'll find children Daigo had kidnapped. Now, for the actual plan. Zaheer, if we are to succeed, you must know every detail…"

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><p>Their ambush worked surprisingly well. Zaheer thought he would spend the rest of his life repeating pointless parts of the plan to assure Xai Bau he was ready. He had to memorize even the <em>map<em> of this place.

"_Why can't I just take it with myself?"_

"_Just imagine this situation… it's too dark for you to actually read the map, so what do you do? Light a torch. Accidentally burn it. Get lost. We fail."_

"_Like I was such a klutz," Zaheer murmured, annoyed. He wasn't a little kid, and if Xai Bau believed so, he shouldn't have made him an official member of secret society._

"_It happened to me. I was in the middle of a fight. Zaheer, what have I told you? You have to take into account even the impossible..."_

_Typical Xai Bau. First he acts like he takes me seriously and then this._

Even though Zaheer was annoyed, it really did come in handy to know exactly where to go. These countless corridors and rooms would only confuse him. The guards weren't a problem, either, his daily practices with Ghazan endangered his life more than them.

_That must be the elevator._ The massive metal door could hardly be anything else. Zaheer quickly got in. The feeling of being closed in a thick metal box made him uneasy, even more when it creaked or slowed down occasionally on its way. _Why would anyone prefer this over stairs?_

Finally, that hellish thing stopped and opened. The cold made his breath condense and he couldn't see anything. Once again, he was forced to appreciate Xai Bau's explicit plan, and lit a torch (which he wouldn't have if he planned this alone).

Long narrow corridor led into many cells and Zaheer had to unlock every one of them to check if someone was there.

_It's horrible to think he'd put someone here, little children actually. At least I haven't found anyone yet. How many cells are left? I should just return, no one is he-_

His thoughts were interrupted when, after opening another door, he was met with the sight of someone curled on the bed, shivering slightly, trying to get at least a little warm. He - or she - was turned from him.

"Hey," Zaheer spoke up as he stepped closer. The person sat up and turned around, revealing a face with sharp features and eyes widened with fear. A girl. Zaheer couldn't tell how old she was.

"W-who are you?" she asked, anxiety and surprise mixing in her voice.

"My name's Zaheer. I'm here to get you out."

"Is this another one of Daigo's tricks?" she looked at him suspiciously.

"It isn't. All of that is over, I promise." Zaheer came even closer, his torch lighting up more of her face. Her forehead was covered by a metal headband, her left cheek and bottom lip hinted a bit of treatment she was probably used to.

"Get away from me! I don't know what he ordered you to do, but I won't let him play with me like this. Get lost!" she shouted, then got up and moved away from him frantically.

_I don't even want to know what she's been through. How can I show her I mean no harm?_

He stayed where he was, let only his eyes move around the room, until they found hers.

"I know it's hard for you to trust a stranger like me, but we have to leave. The longer we wait, the more guards will come to stop us."

"Is this the best he could come up with? Letting me believe I am free, only to appear later and torment m-me again?" she laughed bitterly. "H-he must be running o-out of i-ideas," her teeth started chattering from cold again.

Zaheer handed her the torch. It wasn't enough to actually warm her up, but better than nothing.

"He won't hurt you ever again. In fact, he's probably dead by now. I came here with my master to stop him for good… and to free his victims, like you."

She didn't say anything, just considered his words for a while. Zaheer could almost see the decision building behind her eyes.

"When we get out… what will happen to me?" she asked.

"You'll be free. You can return home." She flinched at the word "home", then nodded, although not fully convinced.

"I guess I don't have any other choice. But first," her hands reached to her forehead and took off the headband, uncovering a striking third eye tattoo. Zaheer knew the pattern only from ancient pictures.

_So she really has the ability to combustionbend, _he had to restrain himself from staring too long, realizing she probably never wanted this and she may use it against him any second_. _For now, it seemed the escape had greater importance to her - she left the cell, Zaheer following her closely.

Once they were out, he asked: "Do you know about any other prisoners?"

"There used to be… another girl. But she's gone. And he mentioned others he'll have soon… so he won't need a pitiful excuse of a combustionbender like me anymore."

No more questions. The matter was obviously still fresh in her memory. Together, they entered the elevator. Now, when she was standing right next to him, he noticed how tall she is.

"What's your name, by the way?" he asked. Although she was broken and bitter, Zaheer couldn't help it but feel fascinated. At least a name to keep her memory when their paths split… which will be soon.

"P'Li..." she said, as if she actually had to remember her own name. "P'Li. That's my name," she repeated, more to assure herself than to him.

"Do you know the way out?" she demanded when the elevator door opened and the labyrinth of unknown rooms and corridors appeared again.

"Luckily, I have a map of this place memorized in my head," he half-joked and gently took her hand. "Let's go, P'Li." To his own surprise, she didn't pull her hand from his, just held it firmly and let him lead her.

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><p><strong>Again, long chapter and barely something happens, I guess it's me. Few people on tumblr pointed out how Zaheer wasn't actually such a brilliant strategist, so I included that bit with Xai Bau being the ultimate master who counts with anything. I personally think it was one of those better parts, but if you think otherwise, or have anything to say, review! It really helps and motivates me, heh.<strong>


	4. Long Forgotten Dream

**Let me tell you, it's been quite busy for me lately, but finally, an upload. Enjoy!**

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><p>Everything was happening so fast, like a dream way too crazy to be true. However, over years, she got used to nightmares, or chaotic fragmets of half-faded memories at best. As if her mind's ability to make up something positive just disappeared. Now, when Zaheer guided her through corridors and chambers of Daigo's mansion, she thought that maybe, just maybe, this was real. Something so vivid couldn't be just her imagination.<p>

_Or the cold finally got into me and I'm dying. _Either way, P'Li felt at peace and a little curious to see what would come next.

Zaheer's hand was steady and warm, almost forgotten feeling. It nearly made her feel safe, but she knew better. Even Daigo was able to act human and sympathetic in order to get what he wanted. _That day_, he even went as far as offering two homeless orphans "his humble abode" to stay overnight. The next morning, they had found themselves in a strange, luxurious chamber and he had informed them that he would be their parent and master and they belonged to him. One of them didn't live to see the dayligh again, and the other was rescued long after life had lost all of its meaning for her.

Nevertheless, P'Li kept going until she spotted a large front-door with golden edges, the very thing that had sabotaged her previous attempt to escape, which ended up in Lien-Hua's execution.

Feeling a rise of grief and rage in her chest, she took a deep breath, sending her chi into the center of her forehead, and released an explosion, unusually large, considering her weakened state. It left the door in a mess of broken splinters. Nothing would stop her anymore… except for…

"What are you gawking at?" Zaheer just stood frozen, looking in amazement at the debris, until her annoyed question brought him back to earth.

"Eh… excuse me. It's just… the first time I saw someone combustionbending." His voice carried a hint of admiration, which made her angry.

"If you spent years learning it against your will, just for the sake of someone else wanting more power, knowing it's the reason why everything and everyone you had is gone… you'd hate it."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" he started apologizing, but she stopped him.

"Shut it, I don't even care." She let go of his hand. "Stay here as long as you want, but I'm done with this place."

"I'm coming, too," she heard him follow her and then they both crossed what was left of the door and ran into the night, brightened by the moon and stars.

_I haven't watched the night sky for so long… I can't even remember the constellations._ P'Li stopped running to catch her breath and tilted her head back to look properly. She din't notice Zaheer taking few more steps to another stranger hidden in the dark.

"Took you long enough, Zaheer. Did you find anyone?" a man's voice spoke, startling her.

"I did, and I think you'll be very surprised," Zaheer's voice answered. He was talking about her, obviously. _What's their deal with me?_ P'Li's guesses inclined to worst possibilities. _Their intentions probably weren't so different from Daigo's. That boy - Zaheer - might have appeared caring and warm, but it was just another lie. At least I didn't fall for it again and saw right throut it._

"P'Li," his voice called. "can you come here? I want you to meet someone."

Well, what other options she had? He could as well drag her forward. Besides, nothing these two intended to do with her could be worse than her previous treatment.

"This is Xai Bau, my master."

Feeling slightly dazed, P'Li stepped into the light of another torch (her own had burned out while they were still inside) and saw a man with thinning black hair, catching a silver shade at sides, and short beard. He seemed to be in his late forties, similar to Daigo - but he was nearly her height and his eyes shined with wisdom and knowledge. That made her unsure of what to expect or say when his look inspected her in detail, halting at her forehead. His eyes widened a bit, then returned to normal and he finished his examination.

"I sent Zaheer to look for any poor victims that madman kept, but I hoped he would return alone. Who would have thought that Daigo somehow manages to get his filthy hands on an actual combustionbender?" When she didn't say anything, he continued, his gaze softening a bit. "I am truly sorry that you had to endure even a day under his rule. I know what he was capable of."

"Was?" she heard herself saying, curiosity taking over before she realized it didn't even matter.

"I took him down, and it was about time. According to what I heard, his guards planned to kidnap four-year-old twin boys from a near city. He wanted to try new methods to train them and make them mindless tools, but that's over now. He won't hurt them, or any other child, ever again."

"They're quite lucky, then," her voice was barely a whisper, full of unwanted envy. What would she give to never experience this, or to have a family to return to, or at least a little sister to take care of, so at least _she_ could forget. But now… what was her life going to be like? She had nowhere to go, not even a slightest chance to start over, even if she wanted. People will always notice her because of what she was - a freak. Daigo's words repeated over and over in her head.

_It's only a matter of time until someone new comes and claims me as his own. Or am I supposed to fight them off every time? What's the point? I'll be alone anyway, whether in cage or under the sky. No, I can't live like that, no one can! _Tears started to pour from her eyes, as she stood there, in front of two strangers who would have saved her life if they had come two years sooner. Now, there was nothing to save.

Zaheer caught her as she fell, completely exhausted after being in cell two days without food, running and now even her own mind haunting her. She barely recognized worry in his eyes when he leaned over her, his lips forming her name, but she didn't hear it anymore.

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><p>"She passed out," Zaheer informed Xai Bau and carefully put P'Li down on grass.<p>

"No wonder. One can tell she's had enough." Xai Bau replied and squatted down to check on her. Her forehead was burning, but only the tattooed area. "Did she use her bending?"

"Yes, she did. It was amazing, you should've seen it."

"She definitely needs some rest and food. But other than that, she'll be alright, at least physically."

"What do you mean?" Zaheer didn't like the resignation in Xai Bau's voice.

"You know pretty well what I mean. We need to leave this town, the shirshu toxin I used on guards can wear off soon."

"I can carry her," he offered, knowing that Xai Bau's joints aren't what they used to be anymore. And not only that - he felt somehow attached to this poor girl. Xai Bau's implication that she might never be alright irritated him.

He lifted her up, surprised how little she weighed. Well, she wasn't exactly light, she was taller than him after all, but under layers of worn clothes, he could feel she was just a little more than skin and bones.

The location of Daigo's residence out of the town gave them an advantage, because local people didn't seem to notice any disturbance (or just ignored it), and they were able to slowly return the same route.

"Isn't she heavy?" Xai Bau asked while they were making their way through the hills.

"Not at all," Zaheer felt weariness getting into him, but he knew they were almost there. Just few more minutes and then...

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><p>As usual, nothing could be nice and simple. Xai Bau insisted they'd go a little further and find a shelter, so that no one could find them ("Seriosly? Daigo's dead, who would send anyone after us?" "Here I thought you finally learned what I've been trying to teach you. You have to count with anything, Zaheer. And don't roll your eyes at me.") until they finally discovered a small cave, fortunately not too wet or cold. Zaheer unfolded two blankets and tried to make them as comfortable as possible before he wrapped P'Li in them. While Xai Bau was away looking for some source of water, Zaheer kept checking if she wasn't cold. He even lied down next to her and tried to warm her up with his own body when she started shivering in her sleep. He didn't mind staying there all night, but he wasn't in mood for Xai Bau's plausible snickers, or worse, lectures. So when the soft rustling of rain started, he got up, knowing that Xai Bau would be back soon. And he was right. A moment later, a bit too satisfied tone gave away its owner's return.<p>

"Didn't I told you so, Zaheer? You always have to be ready, for anything. If we were up at hills, the rain wouldn't help us much, especially with that girl. What was her name, again?"

"P'Li," Zaheer answered, looking back at said girl, now sleeping soundly.

"P'Li, right. She doesn't need to get ill on top of all other things."

Zaheer didn't respond to that, just thought about everything what happened. He wanted to help, but how? She didn't trust him and if she had to choose between him and being alone, with nowhere to go, she'd prefer the latter. After everything what happened to her, Zaheer couldn't blame her. The question was, would she ever get better?

"Do you really think she is marked for life?"

Xai Bau turned to him with serious look, fully realizing how much it bothered Zaheer. "Depends. We don't know - and for her sake you better not pry about it - how long she's been there - although I estimate a couple years - what Daigo did to her, who she had lost. It's clear that some of her family's gone, and that it wasn't very nice. But she still may have a place to go. Surrounded by people which she can trust and who love her, she might get better. It's not any of our business, though."

"I don't think so," Zaheer argued, carefully choosing his words. "She's lost, with nowhere to go and nothing to live for anymore. We can't leave her."

"What are you implying?" Xai Bau knew his student well enough to tell, and Zaheer was aware of that.

"We can help her. Look, Unalaq's an amazing waterbender and knows much more than just combat styles. He can heal her burn without a trace, also any other injuries she could have."

"And then - what? A nice massage with lava stones while we're at it?" Xai Bau replied sarcastically. Zaheer ignored the Ghazan reference and continued.

"Some of the members also have their fair share of hardships behind them… trust me, sometimes just knowing that there are others who share a similar fate and got over it eventually helps a lot. I'm sure she'll recover after a couple weeks or months."

"Zaheer, don't you hear yourself? Have you forgotten who exactly are you talking about? We're a secret society against any form of government, the world considers us criminals and we put our lives at stake to achieve what we believe in. Once she gets involved with all of this mess, she's in for life. Seriously…" he shook his head, "if I wasn't your master, I'd think that you're trying to get her to join us because of her bending."

"Are you kidding me?" Zaheer raised his voice. "I wouldn't do that… I just-"

"Keep quiet, will you? I only told you what it may look like to someone who doesn't know you as well as me, for example. Including P'Li. I see that, in your mind, you already declared yourself as some kind of protector of hers, but maybe she doesn't want any ot it. You must accept it and just let her go. Listen... we freed her, thus she can do whatever she wants with her life… even if she wanted to end it. Don't think she would be the first one. Some wounds are just too deep to heal - in the end, the pain becomes unbearable and death is the only true salvation."

"Don't talk like this." Xai Bau had seen a lot and lost many friends on his path, but it didn't mean he had to be always right.

"You know, Zaheer," Xai Bau walked over to him, sat down and put an arm over his shoulder in a friendly manner. "I never had a son, but since I met and started teaching you, I found one in you. You remind me a lot of my young self and if I ever act like an annoying know-it-all, or lecture you over and over again - it's because I don't want you to repeat my mistakes. Deep down, I believe one day you'll make the greatest leader… I just want to spare you of few bad decisions. Trust me, some of mine left me wondering how I'm still alive."

This was a rare moment - Zaheer respected Xai Bau, although sometimes he considered him overly paranoid and stubborn, and wanted to reach his expectations, but he never seemed to be fully satisfied and always found a flaw in Zaheer's actions, a reason to criticize him. To hear that all this time, he had thought of him so highly… definitely not something Zaheer was prepared for. _As he always says, expect even the impossible… or whatever._

"Xai Bau… I'm truly honored, so far I thought I am only a disappointment for you." Well, now to the hard part. "However… don't you think I deserve more trust? Just three days ago, you made me into Red Lotus member. I should have the right to decide on my own - if I end up being wrong, I'll take any responsibility for it."

"And what exactly do you want to do?" Xai Bau's expression wasn't exactly affirmative, but he was willing to listen.

"Tomorrow, I'll offer P'Li to come with us. If she refuses, fine, I'll let her go, as you said."

"Zaheer… don't get me wrong, I pity her too, but this isn't a good idea." Xai Bau said in defeated tone. "Try it, if you want… but don't expect much." Then he got up and went to find some space to sleep. Zaheer did the same, but when he lied down and covered himself with the last blanket, his thoughts and reflections didn't allow him to fall asleep so fast, even though he was tired.

_To be honest… I can understand why Xai Bau disapproves. After years of teaching me that any contacts outside of the Red Lotus are dangerous, that I need to distance myself from anyone, no matter the situation, because the only way to help people is not to sympathize with them, but to succeed in our goals… the way I act because of a girl I just met doesn't seem like me at all. Well, it's not like there's much to admire about her. She's neglected, bitter and unfriendly - like many others who suffered a lot, but not once it affected me this much. Probably because of her bending, but I don't want to use her, like Xai Bau said. I should probably just stop overthinking it… she won't come with us anyway. Tomorrow will be the last time I see her, and it's not any of my business_, he sighed. _Xai Bau's right, like always. I just wish I didn't care about it...  
><em>

Xai Bau's mild snores filled the cave, but Zaheer wasn't the only one lying awake, wondering about everything what happened.

* * *

><p><strong>Your thoughts? When I write, the beginnings are the hardest, then I don't know where to stop. Look where it got me, this chapter is, again, a tad longer than the last one, and nothing important happens. You might feel like P'Li is too bitter or passive, but trust me, she'll get better. And if Zaheer seems OOC to you... we didn't see him as a teenager, he couldn't be cold and ruthless all the time... I guess. Anyway, reviews make me happy and motivated, as well as new favorites and follows, so if you have anything to say, just do it!<strong>


	5. Start Anew

**Another chapter. I hope you'll like it, this one mostly consists of P'Li's memories, so no big events happen *sigh* On the other hand, some things get cleared up (hopefully).  
><strong>

**Farseer Lolotea: Thanks for reminding me. About ages. P'Li is 14, was 11 when Daigo captured her, while her sister was 5 when she was killed. Zaheer is definitely older than her, 2 or 3 years, so I hope this doesn't mess with how I've made him so far. Should he be more of a cold murderer as we know him in canon in this age?  
><strong>

**KingOfTheRock: He kinda is, and thanks to your comment, I think I've made him even worse, heh. He might get better later, who knows (I should).**

* * *

><p>"You're back!" Lien-Hua called and jumped out of bed to hug her big sister. She was almost two heads shorter than her, since P'Li started growing rapidly about a year ago. Quite strange, because now she was eleven and taller than all of her classmates, even some older kids.<p>

"Woah! Slow down, Lien," she nearly lost balance, but returned the hug. "It was just school, no big deal. As every day."

"I know! But I still don't get why you go there. Mom said the other kids were mean to you," the look in Lien-Hua's golden eyes changed to worried. "Were they?"

P'Li smiled. She didn't quite fit, that was true, but her little sister didn't need to trouble. "It's alright, Lien-Hua. I'm fine. Let's go eat some lunch."

-o-

"You came home sooner today. What's the matter?" a soft palm touched her back as P'Li finished her meal, getting up to read Lien-Hua some tales, as she promised her. But now, there was no going back. Mom always knew when something was wrong.

"As usual. No need to fuss about it." P'Li replied evasively.

"Look at me." Mom demanded, inspecting her expression. Her irises were the same colour as Lien-Hua's. "Something happened, I can see that. Don't you know you can tell me anything, P'Li?"

P'Li gave up, looked away, then started speaking. "Just… some older girls found out about Chao."

"Ah." She understood. Chao was a boy P'Li had a little crush on, one of few who didn't pick on her, maybe because he was a head taller than her, but since he was older, she wasn't seeing him often. When she did, it always brightened up her day.

"They started to laugh and said… he would never pay any attention to me and I should just leave everyone alone, because... I was a freak of nature that shouldn't have been born." She wanted just cover her ears and ignore them, but it still hurt.

"Oh Spirits," Mom's arms slowly enveloped her in tight embrace. "I went through the same thing when I was your age. I know how cruel kids can be."

"It's nothing, really. I usually don't pay any attention to them, but they never stop, I don't get it. Then another girl said something like: "What do you expect, it's Liu's daughter!" ... Why would anyone hate you, Mom?"

"It's a long history, my dear, which I decided to forgo and start anew. Unfortunately, not everyone will forget who you once were. But as long as you have someone who loves you unconditionally, the rest of the world doesn't matter." She looked into P'Li's eyes and caressed her cheek tenderly. "Don't let them get into you. You're a normal, beautiful girl, P'Li. Dad, me and Lien-Hua will always love you."

"I know," she smiled weakly. "I just wish they would leave me alone."

-o-

Smoke was everywhere, filling her lungs and tearing up her eyes. Despite the conditions, P'Li felt adrenaline raising in her entire body, and began searching through rooms, refusing to give up hope.

"Mom! Dad!" she shouted, then started coughing. _They managed to get out sooner, that's why no one answered._ P'Li tried to convince herself. _They aren't upstairs._ The upper floor was nearly fully engulfed in flames. Dad couldn't bend, and Mom used her firebending only occasionally, same as her. P'Li definitely wasn't good enough to stop this disaster.

"P'Li!" a child voice called from outside. _Lien-Hua. She's alive._ P'Li ran outside to find her sister, her face smudged with soot, sobbing, but alive.

"Lien-Hua! Where are Mom and Dad? Have you seen them?" she asked frantically as she pulled her sister close.

"D-daddy was sleeping! I tried to wake him up, but he d-didn't move! Then Mommy came and told me to r-run and find you, because you were looking for me, I even h-heard you shouting. But Mommy didn't want to come with me, she wanted to h-help Daddy, she said. She told me to go hide somewhere e-else!"

"I have to go back!" P'Li decided to try anything, but Lien-Hua clung to her arm. "No, Mommy wants us to run and hide! She promised me she would be alright and find us later, together with Daddy! Nothing will happen to me, she told me. Just go away from here."

Unlike Lien-Hua, P'Li recognized the lie. _There's still time. If I go now, maybe I'll save-_

Suddenly, an ominous cracking noise disrupted her thoughts, followed by ear-blowing sound of explosion, and then, to her horror, roof tumbled down and buried everything what was left of their home.

_No. No! This can't be! This is all a dream! I'll wake up any minute! Now, wake up NOW!_

* * *

><p>Clothes stuck to her skin due to cold sweat. P'Li breathed deep, forcing her heartbeat to slow down as she awoke from another dose of painful memories. Regardless to how frequently they plagued her sleep, she never got used to them.<p>

_Sometimes I wish I could forget…_

After few minutes, she became aware of her surroundings. The cave was cold and dark like her prison, but much bigger and she could see the sun rising in the entrance.

_How did I get here?_ she wondered, then images started to flood her brain… Zaheer, elevator, night sky, older man, then black nothing... arguing voices, discussing her future… everything so unbelievable and surreal she stopped asking herself whether it was a dream or reality. So it did happen after all.

She looked around and recognized two figures, slightly moving as they regularly inhaled and exhaled, both still in deep sleep. Zaheer and Xai Bau, those were their names. Yesterday, she woke up and accidentally overheard their conversation. She heard enough to decide. While Zaheer might have more or less good intentions with her, both of them were a part of criminal organization. Terrorists, pretty much. Not afraid to kill people… and although Daigo deserved it, who knows what else could they be capable of? They can't be trusted, and the sooner she leaves, the better.

P'Li got up, trying to be quiet, and left the cave. She was met with sight of hills and green everywhere around her, not a single indication where she came from and where to go now. Sun was already up, coloring the sky in red and orange tones. P'Li could sit down and admire the dawn, but now it only reminded her of her failed kill mission few days ago. Besides, it would be useful explore the area at least a bit.

After ten minutes, P'Li was willing to return. Not that she didn't have the strengh to continue - although that might be an issue later, too - but it seemed meaningless. Everything was the same, making it almost impossible to orientate.

She decided to go back a bit and rest near a small lake she had passed by sonner. Clear water reflected the skies above like a perfect mirror.

_How did I change over those years?_ P'Li leaned over the water, curious to find out. What she saw, however, was far from innocent eleven-year-old girl, as she remembered herself before Daigo captured her. It felt like a complete stranger returned her gaze, deplorable sight with sunken cheeks, the left one red from burn, sharp jaw, eyes framed with dark circles, a look of pain never leaving her amber irises, lips almost colourless. The most noticeable thing was the forehead tattoo, a vertical eye with a small circle under and three waves coming out of it on each side. To hide it, she'd have to cover her entire forehead or grow bangs. Talking about hair - it was messy and tangled, far from smooth braid her mom used to make her until she learned to do it herself. A vague memory appeared in her mind.

-o-

"Hold still, I'm almost finished," Liu laughed as her six-year-old daughter fidgeted on the chair.

"You're pulling my hair, Mommy," P'Li whined. "I'd rather have short hair, so that I wouldn't have to comb it everyday."

"You'd have to comb it anyway, you don't want to have a bird nest on your head, do you?"

P'Li pouted, wanting to answer yes, when her mom handed her a mirror.

"There. How do you like it?" Her hair was now all out of her face, tamed, not annoying her anymore. Yeah, she liked it.

"Thanks, Mom. It's pretty."

"I think so, too. You have beautiful hair, but I know how you can't stand when it falls in your eyes."

"Can you braid my hair every morning, Mom? Pretty please." P'Li made puppy eyes.

"You'd withstand all the combing?" Liu looked doubtfully on her daughter, a playful sparkle in her eyes. "I don't think so. You hate it."

"Yes, I would. Just try and you'll see," P'Li declared.

-o-

_Damn it. Will those memories ever end?_ Once again, P'Li faced the bitter truth. Everyone she had held dear once was gone. The world was a cruel place, especially when you were sticking out (in her case, quite literally). What was she supposed to do?

_I could just jump in the water and drown._ she thought, gloom and despair taking over. _It'd be over. All the pain would disappear. But can I really do it? I couldn't even kill that peasant._

Before she could even decide if she would really take her own life, a familiar voice called her name. She got up and turned around. Zaheer was running to her, relief visible on his face.

"There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you," he stopped few metres away from her, catching his breath.

"Why?" she asked, not a single emotion in her voice.

"I thought you ran away."

"What if I wanted to?" There was no beating around the bush. "If I recall correctly, yesterday you said something about me being free, that I can go wherever I want to. Or did you already change the meaning behind your words in order to use me, just like Daigo?" she raised an eyebrow, challenging him to answer sincerely.

"Nothing like that, I swear. If you really want to leave, neither Xai Bau or I will stop you. It's just way too easy to get lost here, and after you passed out yesterday, you need some breakfast."

_Food. Right. I totally forgot._ Her soul wasn't the only thing feeling awfully empty, as she realized now.

"I am a bit hungry," she admitted, walking closer to Zaheer to return with him.

As they approached the cave, they noticed Xai Bau had set a campfire outside the cave and cooked something already. P'Li didn't say anything, just sat down as close as possible to flames.

"So Zaheer did find you, after all." he smiled knowingly. She ignored him. "Must have been difficult, attempting to escape with no energy. But don't worry, once you eat yourself full, you're free to leave."

_Can't wait to see my back, right?_ she thought, but accepted the bowl of food he passed her.

To her disappointment, it contained only rice and vegetables, some of it she didn't even recognize. Not a single piece of meat.

Deciding it'd be awkward to ask about it, she just ate everything that wasn't burnt (old man wasn't such a good cook). She got small portions in Daigo's imprisonment, too, which only made her more hungry. She didn't dare to eat more, though, seeing as there wasn't left enough for all of them.

"So… where do you plan to go? We can drop you in nearest town, since you can't stay here, obviously," Xai Bau announced like nothing. Zaheer glared at him.

P'Li felt a dull stabbing in her chest. Just another reminder that like these two, no one will accept her and make her feel less lonely. _I knew that before… so why does it hurt so much?_

"I understand you can't wait to wave me goodbye, but I don't care where I'm at anymore. It's all the same, cold and unwelcoming. I'm lost. " she retorted. Neither of men reacted to that.

"Before you ask, I don't want to go with you. You don't want me around anyway. Just…" her voice broke, "save yourself plenty of trouble and leave already." She ran back to darkness of cave to hide, so that she wouldn't have to look at those strangers anymore. She was just a complication they didn't count with, an unwanted burden to carry around. She wouldn't let them tears running down her cheeks, no matter how broken and worthless she felt.

_I don't need your help! If it means putting up with fake compassion, I'd rather die alone._

* * *

><p>"Great. Now look what you did!" Zaheer didn't expect Xai Bau to be so insensitive. Seriously, talking to her like she was just a nuisance when she had no one else to help her… what had come over him?<p>

"What I did? You heard her yourself. She won't come with us. And even if she did, she probably wouldn't last very long."

"How can you say that?! Don't you have a heart, Xai Bau?" Zaheer couldn't believe his ears.

"It got hardened over time. I saw too much blood of my friends spilled to be moved by someone who already lost all will to live." he replied, then attempted to calm Zaheer down. "I know how you feel - I wouldn't be different in your age. But she's out of our reach, can't you see?"

"Well, you practically told her to get the hell away as soon as possible. No wonder she got upset. But I won't let this be. She needs us more than you realize." With those words, Zaheer made his way back to cave, too.

He was determined to convince P'Li to go with them. Sure, Xai Bau didn't make it exactly easy, but Zaheer wouldn't forgive himself if they just left her, knowing she was doomed to being alone with ghosts of her past haunting her for the rest of her life.

"P'Li?" he called, his sight adjusting to dark. He spotted her, crouching in the back of the cave, so that no one could see her. He ran to her, but she turned away from him.

"Leave me alone. Just go with your master already." Her voice let him know she was crying.

"Look, I know Xai Bau crossed a line. He lived long enough to see a lot of his friends die, he can be a jerk sometimes. But we both want to help yo-"

"Go somewhere with your help, I don't need it!" she shouted. "No one asked you! As your master pointed out, it's too late. You should have rather l-let me d-die in t-that d-damned cell," she lost it then, broke into frantics sobs, hiding her face in her palms.

Zaheer couldn't take it any longer. He kneeled down next to her and hugged her gently. She froze, but didn't say anything and let him hold her, caress her hair and whisper soothingly to her as she kept crying, soaking up the front of his shirt.

"It'll be alright, I promise. Don't cry, P'Li. You'll get better, you'll see."

"You're a bad liar," she muttered into his chest.

"Listen - it might sound crazy, but one wise guru once said: New growth cannot exist without first the destruction of the old."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that once you're left with absolutely nothing, the deepest bottom you've ever known, it's time to rebound and rise again."

"Well, that guru of yours is pretty dumb." She pulled away from him and started wiping tears off her face.

"Why?"

"Everyone can spit fancy words, but some things are easier said than done. "

"Have you tried it, though?" he persisted.

"What?"

"Start anew."

It seemed to Zaheer like those words triggered something in her, like some kind of lost memory. She kept quiet for a while, but when she looked at him again, something was different. In a good way.

"How?" she asked simply.

"I might have an idea." he started, willing to bet she would listen to him now.

"Then spill it out, for all I care," she shrugged, but he caught the little glimpse in her eyes, almost nonexistent, but it was definitely there - hope.

* * *

><p>P'Li always considered her Mom the most beautiful woman. She was exceptionally tall, with soft features and bright, loving eyes, her hair long and wavy, usually kept in a ponytail or a braid. More than physical appearance, it was the radiant love for every single member of her family - Dad, P'Li and few years later little Lien-Hua - that made her special. Few things about her, however, kept bugging the curiosity of P'Li's four-year-old self. For example, why did Mommy always cover her forehead? She wore kerchiefs or headbands, every day of her life, but P'Li never saw other moms wearing them. Of course, she had asked, but Mom's answer would always be the same: <em>Simply because I like to.<em> That wasn't an answer she wanted to hear.

One day, she got lucky and ran into the bathroom just when Mom was loosening her braid, and her headband slipped off her forehead, revealing a big scar.

"Mom! What happened to you?" P'Li panicked. The scar was ugly and covered most of Mom's pale forehead. "So this is why you always wear this." She pointed to headband.

"Yes, that's why," she sighed. "Listen, I know how it looks like, but I got this scar a long time ago and it doesn't hurt at all."

"Really?"

"Yes." She fixed up the headband, so no one could see anything.

"How did this happen?" Now, with one question answered, ten new ones appeared.

"I got burned. It was my fault, actually. I kept doing things… nasty things, with fire, when I was younger."

"What kind of things? You mean firebending?"

"You could say that. But this was very dangerous, and I could hurt a lot of people."

"And did you?"

"I hurt myself," Mom smiled, "and learned my lesson. The scar reminds me of that."

"I don't get it. You're so kind, Mommy. You don't deserve to be hurt."

Mom laughed and didn't say anything. "I think it's time for you to go to bed. We can talk tomorrow."

"But I'm not sleepy." P'Li protested, trying to suppress a yawn, but Mom noticed it.

"Yeah, I see that. Come on, I'll read you some stories."

* * *

><p><strong>How was it? I know I should definitely stop prolonging my chapters when practically nothing happens, but I had a feeling this was necessary. P'Li needed to see that not everything is as dark as it might seem. And if her own mom did it, maybe she can, too. (If you're interested, I'll return to it later.)<br>**

**The tragic backstory, bullying... was it too much? I used some of Jules' original idea (their house burning down) and then added some bits that seemed realy cool in my mind. They tend to turn out less exciting once I type them up in my tedious style _ But again, you probably won't find a bigger critic of my work than me myself...**

**The end is cut off a little, I was too tired to finish it properly, and I think this chapter is enough, so it'll continue in next one. Don't worry, I'll move the plot, too. (About time.)**

**All in all... I quite like this chapter, but at the same time, I'm not really sure about anything. Good, bad - what do you think?**

**Thanks for every follow/favorite/review! It means a lot to me :) See you later.**


	6. Long Long Journey

**I've had a little writer's block, but once I got over it, it got a bit out of the hand. Anyway, please bear with me, this is the last uneventful chapter long as heck. Enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>P'Li was standing next to railing, observing the immense mass of water all around. Waves crashed to solid wood of their boat, as if trying to find their way in. Water surrounded them from all sides, not a trace of anything else but dirty greyish blue, merging with cloudy skies on the horizon. It seemed like entire world was devoured by the sea and their boat would keep sailing forever, with no destination, nothing to hold onto, lost.<p>

At least that's what she felt listening to splashing waves, their strange language lulling her into doubts and worries. In past days, she hardly had time or need to think about anything, and after months locked in her cell, nothing but painful memories keeping her company, it brought a great relief to her. She almost wished they'd continue travelling on foot, because now, when all she could do was wait, nothing kept her mind occupied and safe.

-o-

Zaheer and Xai Bau were sure used to moving fast. They went through a small city to replenish their resources on a market. It was probably for the best that Xai Bau had insisted they would wear capes and not reveal their faces to anyone. Daigo might be dead, but they didn't know how many comrades or supporters he had, so the threat of being imprisoned and interrogated still hung above their heads. P'Li was more than happy to cover her distinct tattoo and be able to go wherever she wanted. Zaheer followed her steps, but far enough not to bother her. He had given her some money before and told her to buy anything, but she did so only reluctantly.

_I'm enough of a burden as it is, I don't need to be indebted, too_, she thought.

In the evening she found two little objects hidden among new clothes she had bought, so that only she would find them - one of them was a beautiful comb with little red and amber gemstones on the handle and a sack of her favorite dumplings.

_How did he…? _She was really tempted to buy both, but one was too expensive, and the second was just after the lunch and Xai Bau had a clear view on her. His cooking didn't get any better, either, she barely ate anything. He still didn't quite approve of her travelling with them and she didn't want to give him a reason to be more aloof to her.

The gifts pleasantly surprised her, but only reminded her how pitiful she must seem to Zaheer.

After three days, they boarded a ship. Xai Bau said their captain supported their group, but wasn't too informed, so the less they talk with him, the better. For P'Li, it seemed like pretty pointless order. She barely spoke and Zaheer spent hours locked in his cabin, reading anything he could.

It's been a day since they left the Fire Nation and began their voyage to Earth Kingdom. Zaheer revealed her that their group was currently residing there, he even showed her the exact location on a map. Although she vaguely remembered some names and places from school, now, when she was supposed to live there, they all seemed foreign and unwelcoming.

_Kids in school picked on me because I didn't fit. In Earth Kingdom, I will stick out even more. What then?_

-o-

P'Li sighed, trying to stop the flow of thoughts which made her stomach tight and heavy of fear and anxiety. Her decision was the right one, otherwise she'd end up all alone, and eventually imprisoned again or dead. Now, there was someone who cared enough to provide her food, place to stay and company.

_Zaheer_. He was one big mystery for her. At first she thought he pitied her and considered some kind of fragile doll meant to keep out of harm, and she hated it. Then, he stopped paying attention and talking to her at all, unless necessary. So far, she had considered it a better option, but being alone was starting to make her sick and depressed.

The air around her got cold and damp while she was lost in her thoughts. _Maybe I should go inside and get to know him a bit. Definitely better than doing nothing, just standing in this miserable weather._

* * *

><p>Zaheer always believed the airbending philosophy and culture was a source of a great enlightenment. The way they used to live was a clear example that living without rulers, peacefully and free to do whatever they wished as long as it didn't hurt others, could work. Ironically, their message to the world almost disappeared and faded from everyone's memory when a ruthless tyrant wiped them out for his own destructive goals. Almost… but what was left of it, the Order of the White Lotus had preserved, along with other precious teachings of four nations. As he witnessed the organization falling into decline and later kept alive only by name and prestige, Xai Bau broke free and left for good, with many precious secrets. Together with his few loyal friends, he established the Red Lotus, as a symbol of original nature, how the world was meant to be.<p>

After leaving his home to join the Red Lotus, Zaheer had access to the most valuable knowledge in the world. Any other day, he'd continue in his relentless studies, but right now, his mind was distracted. He tried meditating, too, but it didn't help very much. He recalled Xai Bau's words.

"Let it be for a while. She may have agreed to come with us, but that doesn't need her trouble is over. However, one thing you need to realize," he pointed his finger at his face, "is that you are a Red Lotus member in the first place. Stop treating her like she might break and leave her alone for a while. Maybe she won't be able to handle it after all… but you can't do anything else about it. Don't forget we both have something bigger to live for… thousands of lives, not just one. You should know where your priorities lie by now…"

_Overacting as usual_, Zaheer thought, _but again, he's right. She likes being alone more, after all. I should just forget about it and concentrate…_

Soft knocking on door jerked him from his thoughts.

"Come in," he called. To his slight surprise, it wasn't Xai Bau, but P'Li slouching awkwardly through his door.

"Hello," she greeted. "Mind if I stay for a while?"

"No, not at all."

"Thanks," she murmured and after a while, she sat down on the floor, an ancient scroll between them.

She looked slightly better, her hair now cut a bit past her shoulders, combed and pulled into tight ponytail, circles around her eyes a tad less dark, her lips and cheeks not as colourless as before. For some reason, she had covered her entire forehead with a piece of dark red cloth, same as her new clothes.

Despite that, she didn't seem more happy or satisfied. After a while, when she didn't even look at him, just kept quiet, he decided to break the uneasy feeling which ensued.

"How can I-" he began at the same time as she finally spoke. "I wanted to-" Neither of them continued.

"You first," Zaheer said to avoid another long silence.

"I just wanted to ask how long will it be until we reach the Earth Kingdom."

"Just two or three days. Why? Is something bothering you?"

"Not at all. Only…" she didn't finish, her eyes showing much more than words ever could. Doubts, fear and loneliness. Zaheer, once again, realized how difficult and uncomfortable it must have been for her, turn to someone who she hadn't even known few days ago, hoping that somehow, he could make it more bearable for her. Now she was here and any well-meant advice Xai Bau had preached until his ears hurt, turned petty and useless. His urge to help her returned.

"You aren't sure if you chose correctly and uncertainty is easier to ignore when you're not stuck at one place, right?"

Her eyes widened at his frank words. "You could say so." Blush of embarrassment colored her cheeks. "Of course, it's none of your matter. I shouldn't have interrupted you-" she got up and tried to quickly leave his cabin, but he stopped her.

"P'Li," he spotted how she froze every time he called her by name, as if not used to it. _Did that monster who kept her even bother to consider her a human being, with name, soul and emotions? Why I'm wondering… the answer is obvious._

"I have something to say," he came closer, leaning back a little to look her into eyes properly. "No one deserves to experience what you had been through. It takes time to heal, but you don't have to overcome it all on your own. We're both strangers, put together by tragedy. However, nothing ever happens without reason. Our paths were meant to cross, and only time will show why. I know if you had any place to go, you wouldn't stay a minute longer than necessary. I'm no friend of yours… but if there's any way I can help you, you can count on me. Old man Xai Bau can glare daggers at me all he wants, but there are way more important matters than Re- our group's concern."

She broke his gaze as tears welled up in her eyes, and turned away from him.

"I should have probably said it sooner, but…" she took a deep breath, "thank you. You've done so much for me, even though I can't repay it. I'm… I'm quite a wreck, aren't I?"

"No, you're not. Trust me," his hand lightly touched her shoulder, "every beginning is difficult. As an ancient proverb says - It's always darkest before the dawn."

"It's like," her voice was just barely more than a whisper, "I'm on a swing. One minute, everything seems hopeful, the next one, I'm drowning in doubts. It got worse since I've been here. Before, we constantly moved, so I didn't have much time to ponder over it. But now..." she sighed. "My own mind is becoming an enemy of mine. I'm too weak."

"You are far from weak," he protested. "Just surviving for this long is a proof of that."

"Xai Bau probably doesn't think so," she sneered sourly.

"Forget about him. Sometimes I think he's too experienced for his own good. Now… if you want to stay, I can definitely think of something to do."

She nodded slowly. "Alright."

* * *

><p>Zaheer had explained her the rules of pai sho, but after few games of him winning, P'Li gave it up.<p>

"I bet you suggested this just to make yourself feel skilled and clever," her tone lost some of its previous sadness and void, but she obviously wasn't pleased.

"While it's true that Xai Bau always beats me, I think you were really getting a knack of it in the last game. The key is to anticipate the opponent's moves, tactics and reactions."

She ignored it. "Is this all you do in your free time? Play pai sho and read?"

"I also meditate at sunrise, but if you meant something more exciting, I spar with Xai Bau or other group members to practice my fighting style. It always gets interesting, because they are very skillful, unique benders."

"And you aren't?"

"No. I was born as a non-bender, just like Xai Bau. However, even without bending, neither of us is helpless. He trained me in every martial art he knew, and now I am just as good as him."

"You two seem related, although you don't look alike."

"I doubt that. Shortly after I met him, I decided to join him. I have a lot to thank him for and respect him like no one else. He does have his flaws, though, just like everyone else."

"I noticed," she replied wryly.

"You can't take him too seriously. He was the same to me when I joined, considered me just some upper-class kid who wouldn't last long. The beginnings were rough, I was an outcast of the group, but eventually, I got better and proved my worth," he smiled mirthlessly at distant memory of what he once was. A rebellious teen, dissatisfied with everyone and everything, words bigger than actions. Without a second thought, he packed his things and left his family, didn't care about their protests and pleas. If he regretted one thing in his life, he'd choose this, but he ignored the remorse, knowing that they were better without him.

"Does he expect me to do the same? To prove my worth?" she seemed insecure at the image of some kind of test.

"Of course not. I accepted it as a part of my new identity. Xai Bau… he saw injustice and wrongdoing many times. In his younger years, he always tried to help. Sometimes, it was beyond his powers. In order not to fall apart, he hardened his heart and dedicated everything to his goals, believing it's the only way how to make a real change in the world. He never took care of someone like you and doesn't know what to do."

"So I'm just an obstacle to him," she concluded.

Their conversation was interrupted when door opened and this time, no one other than Xai Bau stood there.

"Time for dinner. Oh," his sight stopped on P'Li, sitting on the floor along with Zaheer, pai sho board between them. "So this is where you've been. I didn't know what to tell Zaheer when I found out you had disappeared."

"Did you think I jumped overboard?" she asked him, her voice biting.

Xai Bau, usually swift with remarks, rather decided to ignore her question. Zaheer could tell he indeed thought the worst.

"You should go eat before it gets cold," with that he turned around and left.

"Wow. He isn't used to people being sarcastic with him." Hopefully, it won't turn against her, Zaheer thought.

"I get him a bit better now, but I've had enough of his pessimistic attitude, like he expected me to give up and… do something to myself any moment. Obviously, I still have a long way to go, but I feel a bit better," her last words were quiet, as if she wasn't sure whether or not to believe them. He smiled to himself and then got up, walking to the door. "Come on. He'll be even worse if we keep him waiting for too long."

* * *

><p>The next day, P'Li didn't have to wait long until Zaheer approached her hesitantly, and due to bad weather, they spent all day in his cabin again. They talked a lot, during playing pai sho (she had managed to win twice, but he had probably let her, so she would keep playing next five matches) or looking through ancient illustrations. Zaheer had an endless amount of those, as she noticed. First, they were both unsure of what to say, but their conversation continued fluently after a while. She found out that debating with him came somehow naturally to her and the more she talked, the less scruples she felt. Yet, it was mostly her who kept asking questions, trivial, everyday things, to avoid anything painful, and he let her.<p>

There was much to tell about him - he admired airbenders and their culture, and genuinely believed that their way of living can put an end to every injustice in the world. She had bitten her tongue to not reply how naive his beliefs were - out of hundreds of people, he would be one of few willing to give up everything they had and embrace a culture foreign to them. It wouldn't even be possible, many people had families to take care of and need to maintain "earthly possessions", as Zaheer called them. He strictly avoided any mention of their organization, calling them only "the rest of the group". She didn't want to remind herself that she had practically united with a bunch of criminals, so she didn't ask much about them. _I might not even get to meet them. Why should I care about them? They're probably just some old know-it-alls like Xai Bau._

Zaheer sure had many flaws, but his natural kindness and understanding more than made up for them, no matter how much Xai Bau had tried to harden him. He reminded her of love and acceptance she had experienced as an innocent girl back in her simple, warm home. Obviously, that memory still hurt and if she was given the choice of having her old life back or staying with Zaheer, she wouldn't hesitate one second. Or at least she thought so.

When evening came and she fell asleep while reading a book Zaheer had borrowed her, nothing held back her dark thoughts from roaming freely, creating one of the worst nightmares she had ever had.

"_Wh-where am I?" she was back in her eleven-year-old self, and just woke up in her room, in her old bed. "How did I get here?"_

"_Just sleep, you don't have any school today," a sleepy voice she didn't hope to hear ever again mumbled on her left. P'Li turned around and found Lien-Hua, slumbering and drooling all over her pillow._

"_Lien-Hua? You… you're alive?"_

" '_course I am, what kind of stupid quession is that?" she replied, slurring her words.  
><em>

_P'Li jumped to her feet, an enormous wave of joy rushing through her body._

Could it be… It never happened?

_She recognized the colours, even the smell in her room. She was home._

_She ran down the stairs to her parents' bedroom. "Mom? Dad!" she shouted, not caring if she woke them up._

"_What's the matter, P'Li? Did something happen?" her mom walked out of bedroom door, dressed in her nightgown, a headband lopsidedly covering her forehead, her hair messy. Just like she remembered her from every morning._

"_Mom! I'm so glad to see you!" she hugged her tightly, breathing in her unique scent. Another thing which convinced her this was real, not her mind playing tricks on her._

"_Carefully there, you'll break my ribs," Liu laughed as she hugged her daughter back._

"_I had a terrible dream, Mom! I thought you're all gone, that I'm alone," P'Li weeped like a little kid, but she didn't care. Everything was alright. Just a bad dream._

"_Aw, come on, don't be such a child. Didn't I tell you countless times, you need to get stronger and stop to be so damn emotional all the time," her ringing voice had gradually changed into harsh and hateful, fingers gently caressing her shoulders suddenly gripped them painfully and Daigo threw her on the floor mercilessly._

_Grids grew from the floor around her and locked her in another familiar place. This one, however, she wished she would have never seen in her life._

"_No wonder you're so pathetic in combustionbending when you spend nights wailing. You should accept that by now. You have nothing, I got rid of that miserable sister of yours in front of you. Denying that is insanity. You belong to me, and you're about to experience how real pain tastes," she screamed as he opened the door to her cell with his face twisted in maniacal pleasure. Just before he reached her, he burst into flames and spilled into ashes._

_Everything was burning, her cell, even the metal bars. To her horror, P'Li found herself standing in her house, smoke and fire all around her. Suddenly, three figures ran from opposite directions, crying out her name. "P'Li! Save us, help us!" Before she could reply or do anything, Lien-Hua, Mom and Dad turned into ashes, too. She just wanted to join them on the floor, black of soot and smoke._

_Then, a swift blow of wind carried everything away, leaving her shivering and alone._

"_Come with me. I'll help you," a man called, and she faced Zaheer, his hand stretching out to her. Just before she could grab it, his master snatched it away from her reach._

"_Leave her alone. Just look at her, how measly she is. She's already dead. We need to hurry, have you forgotten what we stand for?"_

_Zaheer seemed to hesitate, but after a while, he turned around, showing his back to her. "I guess I was wrong. There's no helping you, P'Li. Sorry, I have to go."_

_As they vanished in the air, wind carrying them away, P'Li realized that this time, she had nowhere to run, nowhere to turn to anymore. Lost in the cruel world, she felt tears pouring from her eyes._

"_What's with her, Mom? Is she alright?" some high-pitched voice asked._

"_Don't look at her, sweetie! She was born a freak."_

_Just when she thought her pain can't be any greater, P'Li had finally woke up._

* * *

><p>She was sitting near the railway, again, and after a half an hour, P'Li had managed to calm down a bit. Soft breeze had dried her tears, but she still could taste their saltiness on her lips. All her fears and doubts had materialized in that dream. However, now she felt purified and oddly calm.<p>

_They are gone. No more avoiding it, no more wishing for something that can never happen. It probably won't stop hurting. But it's over._

_Daigo, the same. He got what he deserved. No more reasons to be afraid of him._

_And then there's Zaheer. What is he to me? He's trying to help, but if he knew the truth, wouldn't he give up on me?_

Surprisingly, P'Li found herself more and more terrified at the image of him leaving her.

_I need him. I thought I'm just trying to pass the time when I first came to talk with him, to distract myself from the hard truth, but…_

"P'Li? What are you doing here?" shocked voice and quick footsteps gave away the very person she was thinking about.

"Sitting. I don't know what else could this be," she replied without a sign of emotion.

"No need to play words with me. I'm not Xai Bau," Zaheer squatted down next to her. "You've been crying," he didn't fail to catch stains of salt on her cheeks. "What's wrong?"

"Just a nightmare. Pretty bad, but I'm fine now." _He wants to know the truth, doesn't he? But can I tell him? What was the thing he said yesterday?_

-o-

"You seem to have a lot of knowledge about airbending gurus and their wisdom," she tried hard to keep her tone neutral, without mocking.

"When you learn for that long, you remember a few things."

"Some of them are rather stupid and overly complicated."

"When you know how to read between the lines, the meaning is as clear as the sun."

"Then what does this mean?" she pointed on a line and read out loud, "Joy and suffering is each meant for sharing."

"It means that when you're happy, you should spread your happiness, so others can rejoice with you. You shouldn't keep your sorrow to yourself, either. It's like a load of weight you carry around. Let it go, putting it into words will bring you relief."

"Or just the same pain over and over again," she commented. He didn't have an answer. _Of course he doesn't. He chose his life, yet I didn't have that privilege. He can't understand._

"Your move," he pointed on the pai sho board. This was their way of avoiding the awkward silence and memories.

-o-

"Doesn't seem so. You're deadly pale and you eyes are completely red. I understand it's hard to talk about it, but at least don't say it's alri-"

"Zaheer," she cut him off. He seemed surprised, then she realized she had never called him by name before.

"I… need to tell you something. It's quite a long story, and pretty fucked up, too. After that, you might decide that I'm not worth all that effort. But I want to get rid of it for good."

"I won't give up on you, no matter what it is," he replied unwaveringly.

"Fine," she nodded, feeling a boost of confidence. _It can get only better. Zaheer was right - I can't go on with it._

* * *

><p>"... and I finally realized that past may haunt me, but it's all gone now. Forever. The only thing worth worrying about is the future. It's been about a week since I met you, but… I don't want you to disappear, like I saw in that dream," she concluded. His eyes didn't show much. Just when she thought about taking back her words, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.<p>

"I'm not going anywhere, P'Li. I'll stay, however long you will need me to. Thanks for all the trust you've put in me." He tugged her a bit closer, until she slowly gave in and rested her head gently on his (well, originally it should have been shoulder, but since she was almost a head taller...). At first she was stiff, but then realized how she had missed human contact, a feeling that someone was so emotionally close to her she didn't mind being physically close, too. It might sound ridiculous when talking about someone who had appeared so recently in her life, but she couldn't deny how she felt. Safe, calm and warm.

"Thank you," she whispered. Nothing else was needed, just silence. This time, it felt natural, not awkward.

Who knows how long they've been sitting there. When she started talking, night was barely turning into dusk and now, first rays of sun raised above the horizon.

"Look, P'Li. The sun is rising," she didn't hear Zaheer say, because by then, she had been already asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>I think it might seem like I recycle the old stuff I already used in previous chapters, but this one is important for development. If you feel I'm dragging P'Li's issues too much - I've had depression myself (nothing serious, fortunately), and some people I know, too. It isn't over by night - one moment, you seem fine, the second you're even deeper than before. Nevermind, I'm sure you know enough on this matter.<br>**

**As you can see, I'm a hardcore P'heer shipper, but don't worry, it won't be so easy. P'Li will learn many things from other people, not just Zaheer, he won't be the centre of her existence. I wouldn't do that to her character (to have love the only reason for everything she does). As you can guess, some interactions with Unalaq, Ghazan and Ming-Hua await us soon, should be fun.  
><strong>

**Tell me anything you liked, disliked or would like to change, I'll try my best.**

**Thanks for every review/favorite/follow, the best motivation I can get.**

**Love!**

**Kat**


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